o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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