yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
