I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
