I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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