I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
