Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
