Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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