Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
