doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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