theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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