he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
