i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
