Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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