If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
