Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
