What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They left me at home... I'm a liability
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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