I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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