god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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