This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
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Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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