i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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