That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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