Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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