Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
