well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
