yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
