i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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