I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
