Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
