and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
