You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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