meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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