I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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