Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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