Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
