Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
