My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
