You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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