Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
