What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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