Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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