My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
