So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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