Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
