Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
