Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
