Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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