dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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