I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
