Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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