I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
