WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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