just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
