Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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