Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
