We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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