I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
