Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
