I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
