best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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