I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
