We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
