Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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