I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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