I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
