I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
