i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
