Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
