We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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