I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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