i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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