Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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