It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
