dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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