I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
