I'm so fucking centered right now
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
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Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
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Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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