I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
