The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im holly from the hills drunk
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Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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