the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
