Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

we have officially lost it.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.

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(775): View more from Nevada

A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.

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(303): View more from Colorado

If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

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(404): View more from Georgia

Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was

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(512): View more from Texas

I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.

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