He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it