Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
