I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i drank out of a bidet.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
