I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
